508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
