So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
