just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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