Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
