She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
