And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
