hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
