I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
