i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
