my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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