Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
