i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
