i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
