Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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