she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
