I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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