Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
