My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
