I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
