Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
