So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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