honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My ass is underappreciated
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
