my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
