That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
