Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
