Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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