Taylor Swift is so right about you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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