I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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