turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my shit smells like andre
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
