even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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