I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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