i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
