Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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