That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
