That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
