She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
