She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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