I accidentally burped into my bong.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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