I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
