so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
