i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
