I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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