okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
