we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
