if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
