What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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