So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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