Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
