Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
