Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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