You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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