I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize