I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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