I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The air was thick with penises
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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