he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
