All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
