Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
