Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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