fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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