Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
