Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
