..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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