apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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