There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
