Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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