We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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