am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
