My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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