I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
