it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
