i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
