she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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