I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize