As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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