Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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