there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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