Already got asked if we're dating
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
